My, how far he has come

As Hunter's 8th birthday approaches, I cannot help but marvel at how much he has grown in the past year. Sure, most mothers think the same thing near a child's birthday, I'd assume. But in this case, this particular year, it's truly remarkable just how much my son has changed in the span of 12 months.

This time last year he was on prednisone for Graft Vs. Host Disease. He was fat and puffy. He was angry all. of. the. time. He still couldn't really go out into public or attend church or have a playdate. I remember having to get special permission to allow a homeschooled friend come over for a birthday playdate (a school child wouldn't have been allowed). He barely ever had any energy to do much of anything beyond watching television. He begged to go back to the hospital.



Today, Hunter is back down to his pre-Leukemia skinny size. He's grown about four inches which is pretty amazing when you consider how much his body has endured. He has hair again (gorgeous hair, I might add... his consolation prize) which he still plans to grow out to donate to Locks of Love. He attends playdates regularly. He attends church regularly. He's in his third theatrical production. He's been to two professional auditions and he has an interview with a local talent agency. He's learned to read. He has three girlfriends. He's in counseling to help him through his depression and Pervasive Developmental issues. He's made a few new friends. He's almost hyper he's so energetic, playing like a regular child most days. He has many interests he plans to pursue this year including guitar, rock climbing, fencing and sword, horse back riding and skateboarding.

We are so fortunate to have our boy back.
He's not the same boy.
But he's a stronger, wiser, older version of the one we left behind.
Our thanks to everyone who made this journey a little easier.
His life will always be affected by leukemia but for now, I feel like we are starting a new chapter.
8 is gonna be GREAT!

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If Mama Were Here...

The daffodils always arrive just in time for this day.

Six Years Ago today my mom made her journey from this life to her next life. I can't even begin to imagine the kind of homecoming she experienced. I know that I was comforted with the knowledge that if Hunter's time on this earth ended, she'd be there with open arms, ready to care for him. Love him. They are a lot alike.

I miss her still. But I won't pretend that it's not easier. Because it is. The sting of this day is faint. Barely there. More of a slight melancholy rather than an overwhelming feeling of intense grief that it used to produce. But I still acknowledge it. Think about her more on this day. Miss her more on this day.

The daffodils in the yard don't help me to forget. She loved yellow. She loved spring. And they always arrive the week of this anniversary. Always, for the last six years.

The older the kids get, the further we go into this unschooling journey, however, the more I desperately wish she were still around. Sure, I remind myself that it was truly for the best that she never had to endure the pain of seeing her grandson sick. And I remember my faith... that she is in a "better place", as contrite as that sounds. But I can't help but get stuck on the fact that she is missing from my life and that is a HUGE loss for me. It's such a huge loss and I will probably never be able to fill that void.

When she died, she left the void of mama. But she also left the void of best friend and greatest cheerleader I'd ever known.

My mom believed in me.

Unconditionally. No strings attached. She trusted me and believed in everything about me.

And as a parent who is stepping outside of the box and raising her children differently than the mainstream parent, I really really really wish I had my mom around to cheer me on.

She would tell me what a good job I was doing. She would bask in the glory of her three beautiful, smart, funny, unique grandchildren and tell me daily what a fantastic mother I was. She'd remark on how brave I am to choose unschooling and how it makes sense to her... she was just never brave enough to raise me that way. And I'd remind her that it was their radical parenting choices which probably planted the seed for me to try parenting radically myself. Didn't they let me sleep between them until I was nine years old and ready to move next door to my own bed? Didn't they forgo preschool and remind me regularly that a child stretched too thin is an unhappy child? Didn't they sacrifice a big fancy house and fancy cars and fancy clothes in favor of my mom staying home so that she could be there for me 24/7? These were all things I didn't understand at the time, but I get it now.

And I applaud them for these radical parenting choices.

I miss my mom. I wish she were here. I know I have lots of friends who support me and tell me what a great job I'm doing but it's. not. the. same. It's hard to do this job without much support or applause. To make choices that are different than the choices of most parents, despite knowing it's what's right.

But my mom and dad did it. Without support. Without applause. Without the approval of their own family and friends. They did it anyway.

And I thank them for it.

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Art at Cheekwood and Adventures at the Science Center

Currently in our home there is one sprained ankle,

two coughs,
and three stomach viruses.
So I've spent my day in bed.
And I had to get someone to cover my class and my play rehearsal at church tomorrow.
Thought this was the perfect opportunity to reflect upon the great day we had this week.
And I'm linking it up over at Saturday's Artist on Ordinary Life Magic.

This week we went to Nashville for a FIELD TRIP!!
I was taking advantage of the memberships we already have and I scheduled for us to attend the
Art and Story Time at Cheekwood.

The task was to make art using everyday objects.
No paint brushes allowed.

I enjoyed using bubble wrap, a plastic egg and a sponge
to create a picture of trees.

Drayken announced several times that he was having fun and that he was doing a good job...
just his typical cheery, optimistic point of view.

Hunter thought using the atypical objects for painting was really interesting.

At first Ronin only wanted to use Crayons but after she watched the rest of us with our paints, she requested her own plate of paints.

I think Drayken's favorite painting object was this bathroom brush.
He screamed with joy the entire time he was using it.
He's STILL talking about the painting from that day.

When we were finished we hung our paintings outside to dry while we

did a little sidewalk chalk drawing.
And then we attended story time.

We had a great time at Cheekwood and we're super excited to go back this spring to enjoy some of the events we've never been able to attend before.

After Cheekwood, we drove to the Adventure Science Center.
We enjoyed a mostly packed lunch supplemented by a foot long
Subway Sandwich divided into thirds.
And then we explored the museum some.
Hunter absolutely LOVED the moon walk experience.

So much so that he had to do it twice.

Drayken's favorite attraction was driving the "fire truck"
(though it was actually an ambulance but that is not important, right?).

Big kids liked the math activities in the Cyberchase exhibit.

And while big brother attended a homeschool robotics lab,

Drayken played with trains

and Ronin attended school, she says, in the preschool area of the museum.

It was a glorious day and I know that there will be many more like it...
as soon as we shake this virus.

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Everyone is Hurting

Recently I was at the Murfreesboro Civic Plaza with Drayken (the toddler), waiting for the library to open it's doors. It was a lovely, warm day and we were walking around, climbing on the concrete, looking at the fountain and enjoying one another. While Drayken was climbing the concrete steps, I glanced up and saw a middle aged-ish black man walking toward me. I smiled at him and said, "Hello". He walked right up to me and said, "Will you pray for me?" I immediately said yes, that I would pray. He grabbed ahold of me tightly and started to sob into my hair. I learned that his name was Shawn and he needed prayers because people were so scared of him.

"Please pray that people will not be so scared of me."

I prayed with him right then and there with one eye on my toddler. I held him while he cried into my hair. I never felt scared of him. I never felt like there was any chance that he might hurt me. I asked him several times if he had somewhere to go, something to eat. He assured me that he did... that he just wanted people to stop being scared of him.

Wow.

Honestly, I admired this man. I mean, maybe he was mentally ill or something. Clearly he didn't understand appropriate social boundaries. But neither do I, to a certain extent. I understand social ques and boundaries just well enough to feel alone. I loved that for some unknown reason he felt like he could approach me, a perfect stranger, and ask me for what he needed... prayers, a hug, someone to hold him, and someone to not be scared of him.

I was honored to be that person for him.

Truth is... if it wasn't for my children, I'd not have physical contact with people for sometimes weeks on end. And the truth is that I, too, feel like people are scared of me. Probably not the in the same way he is feared... but in different ways. They are scared of how I'm different, or of my ideas, or how I voice my opinion, or how I dress, or how I parent my kids. They simply think that I. Am. Intimidating. Or weird. And that I am not someone they can get to know because I'm different.

I've felt this lonely feeling my entire life. Now I'm married with children and quite a few friends but I still feel alone.

I still hurt.

And I don't dare tell people.

Not only can I not possibly walk up to a perfect stranger at the library and tell them that I'm hurting, that I'm scared, that I'm alone and I just need someone to pray with me and to hold me while I cry (though many times I have been tempted)... I can't even do it at church or among friends or with my own husband.

What is wrong with us? As a people? That we can't just come right out and admit that we don't have it all together. That at church we aren't able to be weak and weary and know that people will be there to lift us up? And that with our own spouses there isn't even a safe place to fall?

Folks are hurting. I'M hurting. And I wish that we could just be more honest about this fact. And that there was more support out there for people who are hurting.

My son was just diagnosed with depression. He is in emotional pain daily, almost all day long. And since he's been like this most of his life, I can't imagine that it's going to just go away on its own. I can't stand the knowledge that he's going to go through his life having to keep that sadness inside of him. Like it's a taboo thing to feel sad. And it's certainly taboo to not be able to shake it on your own.

I wonder if there would be fewer depression diagnoses if we were allowed to ask others for what we need?


Look around you. People are hurting. And not just the people who have obvious pain in their lives. Not just the homeless, the drug addicts, the people starving in other countries. But everyone. Everyone is hurting. And everyone could use an extra hug, a prayer, a drop in visit, a small gift, a random card in the mail. I know I certainly could.

Pray and let God show you who you could bless today.
Love someone up.
Remind someone that they are not alone.
Let someone know that you aren't scared of them.

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Unschooling through the Simpsons: Post 1

I finally got around to doing something that I've been wanting to do for a while. Inspired by these thoughts, this website, and this one, I decided that I might as well take advantage of "The Simpsons" obsession in my home and start helping the kids understand the show a little better... by presenting them with information that will allow them to understand more of the references, parodies and topics in the episodes.

Starting with Season 1, episodes 2 and 3, I created a "lesson plan" based upon research I did regarding each episode.

Here I'll share with you what I've put together for us to do this week while we're studying these episodes.

Season 1, Episode 2:
"Bart the Genius"

Albert Einstein:
Checked out following books from the library:
Odd Boy Out by Dan Brown
Starring Lorenzo and Einstein Too by Mark Karlins

Watched this Albert Einstein biography online.

Jane Goodall:
Check out the following book from the library:
Me...Jane by Patrick McDonnell

Watched this Jane Goodall video on BrainPop.

Watched Anatoly Karpov interview on YouTube.

Watched clip of French Opera "Carmen" song "Toreador" on YouTube.

Tried out "Stress Free Chess" which Hunter received for Christmas.

Watched "The Big Snit", a short animated film from the 1980s upon which one of the scenes from this episode was based according to its writer. (This short film is fabulous.)

Discussed the meaning of the word id.

Season 1, Episode 3:
"Homer's Odyssey"

Watched opening sequence of "Get Smart"

Watched a summary of "The Odyssey" on YouTube.

Read this graphic novel about John Henry from the library.

Listened to this song about John Henry.

Listened to "Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head" by They Might Be Giants.


What have the kids thought about learning through The Simpsons so far?

Ronin says it's been cool and she most enjoyed watched "The Big Snit" on YouTube.
Hunter says it's been okay and his favorite thing that he learned about was Jane Goodall.

And Happy 500th Anniversary to "The Simpsons"! Thank you for so many years of laughter... and learning.





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Dear Dad Who Shot His Daughter's Laptop,

I have so many things I'd like to say to you. I am so angry and saddened by your behavior. But I will do my best to try and behave in a Christ-like manner as I write this message to you.

What you have done is not cute. It is not funny. It is sad. You have taken a perfect opportunity to mend and repair your relationship with your daughter and turned it into a viral video. I hope it was worth it. I hope YOUR little fiasco on Facebook was worth the possibly irreparable damage you have done to your relationship with your child, your own flesh and blood.

If I'd found out that my child had posted something so bold and upsetting on the internet, I would have reacted much differently.

First of all, I would have looked at myself to try and figure out why he or she was so angry and felt the need to use so much profanity and so much loaded language. Usually, our children are a reflection of us, their parents.

Then I would have cried. Because I would have known that he or she must have been hurting for a very long time to make them feel so angry toward me... to the point where they felt they had to bash me openly on the internet.

I would have considered everything that my child was saying. HAD I been careless? HAD I been asking him or her to do too much around the house? HAD I been doing the right thing as a parent? Typically when we do the right thing as a parent, we create harmony and trust within our parent/child relationship.

And speaking of trust, I would have immediately known that there must have been something that I did to destroy the trust between us if I had been blocked from seeing my child's Facebook page. It takes two people to build a trusting relationship. It only takes one to destroy it.

I would have asked myself why my child felt the need to disclose this heartfelt message of frustration and anger to her friends online instead of coming to me with it. Had I not created a safe environment conducive to communication?

I feel sad for Hannah. She sounds like a smart, funny, wise young lady who just wants to be respected and heard by her parents.

It's not too late, sir. It's not too late to try and repair this relationship. You have shot her computer with a gun. You have humiliated her in front of the entire world wide web. But keep in mind that you have humiliated yourself. The most important thing now is to try and move forward and fix the damage that has been done. I urge you to look inside and consider that you are not right. That you have been wrong. That you can say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong" to your daughter and ask her to let you start over.

I grew up feeling a lot of anger toward my father for not giving me a safe place to express myself. You, sir, make my father look like a puppy dog.

Your daughter is screaming for help! She is begging you to hear her, to see her, to pay attention.

Please, sir, wake up before it is too late.

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An Interview with Ronin

1. What is something Mom always says to do?

Be quiet and don't act like maniacs.

(Yes, probably saying this a lot lately. So much screaming so much of the time.)

2. What makes Mom happy?

That I love you.

3. What makes Mom sad?

You were sad last night that you couldn't go to the B-52s concert.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

When you are Miss Mandy and you talk about rectums.

(Yeah, I'll own up to that... she pulled down her pants during reading time one day and showed us all of her business. So the story time lady character that I do has forbidden the showing of rectums.)

5. What was your mom like as a child?

She had long brown hair and glasses and she always put her hair up every day and her mom helped her.

6. How old is your mom?

34

7. How tall is your mom?

About this big (spreading arms out wide).

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Write on the computer.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?

Watch tv.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Because sometimes you are out and about all of the time.

11. What is your mom really good at?

Cooking!

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Sword fighting

13. What does your mom do for a job?

Being a wife and a mom.

14.What is your mom’s favorite food?

Mexican

15.What makes you proud of your mom?

When I'm cooking with you.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

She would be really good at being Amy Farrah Fowler (we don't know a lot of cartoon characters).

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Read "Little House on the Prairie".

18. How are you and your mom the same?

We like broccoli.

19. How are you and your mom different?

I have blonde hair. You have brown hair.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Because she's sweet to us all of the time.

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?

The tobacco and beer place
The toilet
(clearly I don't have a favorite place to go)

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An interview with Hunter

I don't usually "follow the crowd" but this was just too fun to pass up. So thanks Jen for the questions and thanks to Heather for the inspiration. Enjoy!

1. What is something Mom always says to do?

Get out of the front yard.

(Not always, I've told them this a couple of times in the past two weeks because we have a sink hole in our front yard.)

2. What makes Mom happy?

For Drayken to not be mean.

3. What makes Mom sad?

I really don't know.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

When you are pretending to be Miss Mandy.

(This is my library story time character that I have been doing when I have the kids get a snack and then sit on the carpet for book time.)

5. What was your mom like as a child?

I don't know.

6. How old is your mom?

34

7. How tall is your mom?

Probably about (stretching out arms). I can't put my hand down there.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Running on her freakin' trampoline.

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?

Probably, "I miss my kids."

Yeah, pretty much.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Acting

11. What is your mom really good at?

Cooking.

12. What is your mom not very good at?

video games

13. What does your mom do for a job?

Homeschool

14.What is your mom’s favorite food?

cauliflower and celery, there's a lot of that in the fridge

(umm no. just because I eat them a lot doesn't mean that I love them)

15.What makes you proud of your mom?

Bible class, you're a good teacher I guess.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Miss Mandy

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Read

18. How are you and your mom the same?

We both don't like "Good Luck Charlie".

I do hate that show.

19. How are you and your mom different?

I like bacon and you don't.

(Not true. I love bacon.)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Because you take care of me.

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?

Target

(not really)


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Sanity Saving Snack System

Once in a while life becomes so overwhelming that I simply must cut some corners. And once in a while it seems that every single one of my children is starving. All. Day. Long. Today the entire family climbed in the van first thing after breakfast and headed to Sam's Club. This is not something that I like having to do but it becomes necessary occasionally. Today, my gift to myself was to create a new snacking system. We are going to give it a trial run and hopefully it will go well. I'm posting about this because I thought some of my readers may also be low on sanity and could possibly be inspired by my idea.

These are the somewhat healthy snacks that I used.
The Apple Straws, Sweet Potato Tarro Chips,and Veggie Straws were all from Sam's club and cost just under six dollars a bag. The Annie's boxed cereals were from Kroger and were on sale for $3.00/box, and the Heritage O's were from Whole Foods and cost right around five dollars for the large bulk bag. The sandwich bags were about$1.50 for 150 at Walgreens.

I used about 1/2 of each food container and created 30 individual snacks. There's slightly more than 1/2 of two of the containers left so I think, all together, it might be about 70 individual snacks. Each snack tub has his or her name in it and each child received an equal number of each type of snack. They will be allowed one snack bag per day as their additional snack will be something like apples or oranges. Drayken's snack bags are likely to last him all day long as he doesn't eat as much as his siblings.

Is this cost effective? Not particularly.
Is this ecological? Nope, processed foods with sandwich bags.
Is this healthy? Could be a lot worse but no, not ideal.
Is it easy and sanity saving? YES! And sometimes, that is top priority in this house of crazy.

I encourage you to cut a few corners this week if it will help you to feel less crazy and stressed out. Tell me about some of the ways in which you save your sanity!

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