Thursday, May 26, 2011

Plank Pullin': I'm Attacking you

I'm attacking you. Right now. Or at least I may as well be because I cannot tell when I'm attacking people but apparently I'm always doing it. I'm a "very confrontational person". And I "make things personal". Also I "push people away". I'm "judgmental", "harsh", "critical", and I am "difficult to talk to".

Only thing is that... well... I had no idea. I hear this. From my husband. ALL OF THE TIME. But I seriously cannot see it. Then I get into confrontations on the internet with perfect strangers who tell me the same thing. That I am wrong. To say the things that I say. And honestly I seriously cannot see it. The way that things look in my mind, it all makes sense. The hurtful things I say are coming from a place of innocence. Of, "Oh, hey, this has been my experience and it has made sense for me... maybe it will make sense for you." or "I am having a heart issue because of a big picture problem and I need to vent about it."

Clearly I have no filter or I'm an idiot or I'm crazy or all of the above. And while I don't see what I've done wrong, I must be doing something wrong. Because plenty of people seem to see it.

So I will, I guess, try to just not talk to people as much. I don't know what else to do. I will refrain from expressing my opinions. And I will refrain from talking to people who don't understand me (I'm sure this will help my marriage a ton). And I'll keep everything really shallow. And I won't show people myself. Because if I do, then I'm attacking them. Or hurting them.

And I can't live with that. No one else can either, it seems.