Warning... very girly post here. Read at your own risk.
It all started with a purse.
I remember talking to my friend Kristi about how I didn't have a purse. I suppose that wasn't entirely true. I did HAVE a couple of purses. There was the orange one that was filthy inside, hideous on the outside, and had a strap that was so distorted that it didn't hang on anything appropriately. And then there was the black kid's backpack that I had purchased eight years ago for my Disney World Honeymoon. The glitter butterfly was really starting to rub off of that thing.
So, the true true statement would have been that I didn't have a purse that I was willing or able to use. I have vaguely looked at purses here and there and, as always, I would become overwhelmed and stressed out by all of the options. So I would just give up.
It seems Kristi was listening to me... not only with her ears but also with her heart (something she's pretty good at). Right before Christmas, she came over with a gift for me (and one for Ronin which was just too adorable). When I opened it, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. She got me. She really got me. It was an adorable smallish (but not too small) pink handbag and it had buttons on it. Not sewing buttons. But pop culture metal buttons. Little did she know that just a few years ago my "purse" (more like a brief case) was a bag that I covered with all of my buttons from my childhood. I retired that bag because the buttons were so old that they kept falling off and because the bag was cumbersome and ginormous and sorta symbolized a hard time in my life.
It felt right to see the buttons she had chosen on my NEW purse... Antoine Dodson, gLee, The Big Bang Theory. They represented my current interests. It felt like a new symbol. A symbol of new things. The current me. I felt a little bit like I could let go. I wish I could explain it better. But this purse seems to have triggered something in me.
I went shopping. I used a $50.00 gift card to Target (from Faith Hill and Tim McGraw... yes, I'm name dropping. No, I do not know them. They just donate gifts to the families stuck at the children's hospital on Christmas which is super cool of them) to buy myself a new nightshirt (bought two but didn't like it that much so I'm returning the other and holding out for cute new pjs) and some leggings that would complete a couple of cute outfits that were just begging for gray leggings instead of black. I also got a wallet that happened to match the new purse. Sadly, this was the first wallet I'd ever purchased. Pretty pathetic huh?
At World Market I spent $10.00 of birthday money and bought a gorgeous black peasant top and a fabulous scarf. Their clearance is the bomb!
And, like some type of insane person, I went to Victoria's Secret. With two children. One of whom is a toddler. The girls were so sweet to me in there. I explained to them about having a kid with cancer and having NO time to go bra shopping alone. I told them about nursing for the past million years and how I had all but sworn off bras. I shared my dislike of bras and how I am mostly a tank top girl but I had decided that I'd really like my husband to notice me again. My helper sized me (toddler at ankles) and what she told me was music to my ears. I was thrilled to hear her say 34D. I was also in disbelief. There was no WAY I was a 34. No possible way. I'd not been that small since high school. Actually, she said, I was more like a 33 but better to round up. She grabbed up several bras and escorted me and my two children into the largest (though not locking) dressing room stall that she had available. And in that stall I fell in love with underwear all over again. There had been a time when I was not quite a mother yet that I had worn cute matching underwear. I had several cute bras that fit and I wore them regularly. But it had been many years since I'd known that feeling of trying on a bra and liking the way it looked in the mirror. The two bras that I liked were not both on sale. So I had to settle for just one and then this week, the Captain is supposed to take a little card back into the store and purchase a No Wire Body by Victoria bra of his choosing for me. They are $10.00 off this week. And for the record, she was spot on about the size of the bra.
I have started shedding my closet of clothes that aren't fabulous, that I don't really want to wear and that don't flatter my body. It's a type of purging I suppose. I'm tired of wearing clothes that don't fit me. Or that I don't even like. I still have too many things but I have brought home about five new pieces and am getting rid of at least 30 so I'm making headway. I purchased two long sleeved basic tops and a hoodie from this brand and let me tell ya, I'm in LOVE. I bought a medium in the hoodie, which is huge progress for me. I'd normally buy jackets in larges but instead I made this one fitted and it's quite flattering.
Right now I'm searching for the perfect flattering pair of lounge pants. My size larges are just way too big so it's time for me to turn them in for something that doesn't hang.
I am really proud of this change I have decided to make. This is actually very hard for me. But a long time ago I committed to not being like my mom in this manner... wearing clothes that don't fit me right or aren't flattering or just buying clothes because they are cheap. I've concluded that I'd much rather have a few cute, high quality, flattering pieces of clothing than a ton of pieces that look awful.
So, thank you Kristi, for the purse. And thank you for not only getting me in a way that no one else seems to but for deciding to make such a bold move with your gift. To me it felt like you were telling me "You are worth it". I guess maybe I am.
I'm rockin' that new purse and wallet. My daughter said to me, "I like your new purse. It is the perfect new purse for a cute girl like you."
Next month, I might treat myself to some Aveda highlights. If I decide not to, it will not be because I decided I'm not worth it.
Because I am worth it. And, amazingly enough, I'm still a pretty cute girl.
Edit: As per your request, here is a photo of the purse (fully stocked), my new wallet, my new sleep shirt, and da dum, the BRA. I know no one asked for the photo of the bra but here it is anyway! Isn't it cool the way that the purse and the wallet match so well.