Sunday, May 31, 2009

Exactly where I'm supposed to be.

The other day I had one of those Oprah-dubbed "aha moments". I was standing in MY kitchen, at MY work island, dishing hemp granola and goat yogurt into a bowl for MY daughter and suddenly I realized, "This is exactly how I want my life to look." What I mean is that I really am precisely where I always dreamed I would be. I'm actually way better off than I ever allowed myself to imagine ever being. For you see, until just a few years ago I lacked anything resembling hope or self worth. I didn't let myself dream about the future too much. Any small glimpse into my life ahead always looked bleak and depressing... just like my present life did. Then I became a Christian and everything changed. Suddenly there was hope and suddenly I had value. And the pieces fell into place.

Sure, we're broke. Sure, our marriage isn't perfect. Sure, we've been through a lot of difficult times and there will always be trials.

But I have three amazing, beautiful, healthy children. I'm married to the man of my dreams and we are more in love today than ever before, despite any difficulties. I have a wonderful home filled with bright colors and cheerfulness. My husband values and respects my desire to eat healthy, to homeschool, to stay at home, and to think outside of the box. Heck, he's as weird as I am and maybe even weirder. I'm well respected by my community as the executive director and founder of a really nifty organization that is being neglected now but will be there when I have the time and energy to devote to it.

The one thing we are missing really is friends. I have done a lousy job of praying about this issue and I need to work on that. All of us could benefit from more friends... friends who include you, go on vacation with you, invite you over for dinner, and who call when your kid is having surgery. We have a few friends like that but we could use some more.

I wonder if most people can honestly say that they are better off than they thought they would be? I'm pretty lucky that my life looks way better than I envisioned ten years ago. Awesome.

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