Over the past few days these "difficult and challenging" last fews days of pregnancy have been trying to get the better of me. From a constant eye twitch to feeling overwhelmed with *stuff* that needs to be done for my "job", I have been trying to keep my mind focused on small things that are comforting to me. For some reason, I've started listening to a lot of Billy Joel. I just seem to feel led to turn on the Greatest Hits Vol 3 in order to indulge myself with "Keeping the Faith" and "An Innocent Man". These songs are so dramatically connected to my early childhood that they take me back to a place where I feel relaxed and comforted. And no, my parents were not Billy Joel fans. I picked that up on my own. :) Just a weird five year old.
I've absolutely given up on reading. My brain is totally fried and distracted. I had to first give up my Bible reading because even attempting to read scripture daily was causing me total stress. I don't like being stressed out over trying to read God's Word. Now I've had to stop reading that Amish series with which I've been very obsessed. Instead I just lay in bed staring at the tv and watching repeats of "Seinfeld", "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "Family Guy" until I am unconscious. SOMEHOW I'm actually not struggling too badly to understand what is going on when the Captain and I watch "24" which is totally amazing! I hate not being able to read. One year before my mom's diagnosis (to the day actually) I was able to finally pick up a book and stick with it until I finished it in a timely manner. I was able to continue this pattern until the following year. After learning about her illness and then her death, I don't think that I was able to read for at least a year and a half. I pray that I'm able to start reading again much sooner than that this time around. I suppose I am very thankful for these tv shows that help calm me and give me something to fill these last "waiting" hours.
I'm thankful for these last few days of spending special time with my children before there is another one, hogging mommy's time, mommy's arms, mommy's lap. I must admit that I have a teensie bit of anxiety about the adjustment that will inevitably take place once this baby is here. Maybe I even feel a little sorry for He-Man and the Donut. I've never been in their position but I'd imagine that it's tough to give up so much of mommy in exchange for a crying and pooping creature! Luckily they are super excited about the baby and they are pretty tough. And they have one another. And they are the best of friends, even if they don't always get along. They've been sleeping in He-Man's room at night and He-Man cries if his sister is not in the room with him. It's so precious to witness the bond that is forming between my children.
We are coming down to the last few hours before this baby is born. I'm excited to meet him. I've never felt that before. I was oblivious when I was pregnant with He-Man (Paxil maybe??) and I didn't even want his sister (grief maybe??). I hope that this guy has dark hair and dark eyes... like me! But most of all I pray that he is healthy and happy and enjoys his new family.
You might notice that the name above the baby ticker to the right has been removed. That's because we are debating his name and have pretty much decided to change it. I'll write more about that after he gets here and we make a final decision.