Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thankful for feeling a heck of a lot better Thursday
So, after whining and moaning last night I will try and redeem myself by posting an uplifting and positive message which is what I try to make blog entries each time.
When I got up this morning I could tell that I felt a bit better. I had started using my progesterone cream again and I didn't yesterday. I think it's quite likely that the extra female hormones contributed to my being a little extra female-ish. So this morning I could already tell was a drastic improvement over the tearful Wednesday that I wrote about. I only wanted to cry. Hey, I'll take it!
I was relatively productive this morning... ran the dishwasher, did the laundry, printed some "school" stuff, organized school folders, and did a ton of computer work for Artsy Mamas and a new book discussion group for parents at my church.
The Captain announced that we had sold our van (Thank you LORD) and we would need to travel to Clarksville in order to deliver it to the buyer. Uh oh. This meant that I'd have to drive separately, through Nashville, all the way to Clarksville. I am not a fan of driving on the interstate. I will do it. I refuse to live in fear like my mother and just simply never go anywhere because there might be a highway involved. But that doesn't mean I crave the busyness of the traffic in the city. No, I'd prefer to avoid it. And with the way that I've been feeling lately, I just knew that this was a panic attack waiting to happen.
But I did it anyway. I took a double dose of Rescue Remedy Pastilles and brought along some old music that I'd not heard in a while. About twenty minutes into the trip, I started to wonder if my decision to listen to Tori Amos was such a good idea. The lyrics to "Silent All These Years" took me back about 14 years and forced me to think about boys, and speech team. "Winter" took on a new meaning as I have given up on having an earthly daddy and instead have embraced the concept of letting my heavenly father scold me for a low self-esteem. "When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do?" According to Tori, a dad should always want his little girl near. But things do change, don't they?
Once we hit Nashville traffic, I started to feel the panic arise. But I made the decision to NOT look ahead to the cars "up high" and to just take it a few feet at a time. Before I knew it, we are on the long stretch to Clarksville and there was snow surrounding us. Quite a relief. A few REM songs, laps around the local Walmart and a tour of the inside of a particularly great but smelly Goodwill, and we were heading back out of town. No panic attack. Not even a little one.
A delicious dinner at Couva Calypso Cafe in East Nashville and an effort of team work resulting in unloading the dish washer and putting away laundry landed me safely on the sofa with very little long term damage.
I am thankful for the time spent with my children, the sweater I found at Goodwill, the encouragement from my husband that I'm "doing great", excellent behavior from He-Man, and for of course, the buyer of our old van.
Most of all, I'm thankful for feeling better and for all of the prayers that were said on my behalf today. Just a few more weeks. I can do it.