Thursday, December 4, 2008

Thankful Thursday: Cheap Thrills and the Little Things


I love the thrill I get from condensing and using up things. Like the other day I used up two jars of peanut butter and two jars of "jelly" while making the Captain's sandwiches for the week. I felt so excited when I saw them in the sink that I ended up cleaning out our "medicine" cabinet... which is mostly a bunch of vitamins, supplements, etc with a few bottles of things like Dye-Free Benedryl and Ibuprofen. I found several of the same things already open. Two of this, three of that. I started pouring them into one another and putting the bottles in the sink. And don't even get me started on the feeling I get from tossing out the expired stuff. I've even started making the hubby take some of the supplements we have so that I can condense even more (and it might be beneficial to his health too, ya know?) Oooooh. After I was all finished, the fridge looked more bare, the cabinet looked bare. It made me feel amazing. So, I'm thankful for cheap thrills... even if they are weird. Or are they? Am I alone?

This morning I was getting out a jacket that I've not worn in a while. Because it was too big. But now that I have major baby belly, it's not so big anymore. So, I dug it out and decided to look in the pockets. Who knows? Once I found $17.00 in a jacket pocket! But what I found was not money. It was a crumpled handmade burp cloth (my favorite one at that). And in another pocket there was a small slip of paper... a receipt from when I rented a hospital grade pump after I had the Donut. I rented a pump because my mom was dying. Because I figured I might need to be separated from my baby in order to sit with mama or in order to deal with funeral arrangements. Seeing these items made me a tad bit emotional. And that experience reminded me of one I had after my wedding nearly six years ago. Shortly after I married the man of my dreams, I found a handkerchief on my bed under a pillow or something. (I didn't sleep in my bed, I slept on the futon in my living room.) The night before my mom and dad had been to my apartment so that we could all drive over to the Front Porch Cafe and later to the church for our dinner and rehearsal. Dad had been sitting on my bed, I recalled. The handkerchief must have fallen out of his back pocket while he was sitting there. It was neatly folded up and for some reason the idea that he'd stocked his pockets with a handkerchief so neatly folded made me burst into tears. Of course, I'm sure I was emotional from the wedding itself and from the fact that my dad sobbed before, during and after walking me down the aisle. Later I told my mom about the experience and she said, "Well, you just keep it." I wanted her to "get" it but I don't think she did. I can't fully explain it. But I have that handkerchief in a jewelry box that I used to keep on my dresser in my single days. It's filled with nonsense like an Aqua Teen iron on and goth-looking jewelry. In addition to that handkerchief, you will also find a twenty dollar bill that my mama gave me years ago. I used to keep it incase I found something that I really want. Now, I keep it so that I can one day use it to buy something special for my children, in her memory. But I wait because I want them to fully understand that it was from their grandma. My point, I suppose, in all of this jumbled up rambling, is that I'm thankful for the little things I'm thankful for the memories, no matter how painful, because they help me feel closer to my parents. To who they were. Not who they may have become. And these memories take me back to a time when I knew that my daddy loved me, even if he couldn't express it very well. I just wish that I could know it now.

2 comments:

  1. I feel on top of the world when I clean out the trunk of my car. Lol. And my panties drawer! LOL
    Im totally with ya babe, on cheap thrills, gotta get them when you can. Lol.
    What a beautiful memory of your parents, Mandy. Gosh, it would be so hard for me to spend that 20!!! I just dont know what I could get that would mean as much as that bill. Let me know what you finally decide on! :) XOXOXOX

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