Monday, September 1, 2008

Motherhood Lesson

I've been tagged by Moms Talk Network.

This is a hard one for me. I feel as if I didn't really have an example of motherhood to rely upon until I became a mother myself. For the most part, I learned about the type of mother I didn't want to be as I watched my mom. There are many things about her and her spirit that I hope to emulate, like her unconditional love or her never-ending kindness. But for the most part, I just remember thinking, "There has to be more to life than this".

My mother was an artist at heart. She loved music, reading, writing, painting, sewing, and creating in general. It breaks my heart to think of the lost potential. She did not know her worth. She had no idea that she might have a purpose. I remember that she used to tell me that when she was a child she dreamed of being a fashion designer in New York City. For anyone who knew my mother, this would probably come as a shock. Her pants were always too short… very much like her life. She’d wear these terrible looking white socks and you could always see them- due to the really short pants. I used to make such fun of her. Somehow I felt that once in a while I would catch a glimpse of that small child who longed to create something beautiful, who longed to live in fancy high rise and have her name in snooty magazines. I hate myself because I know that I probably contributed to her lack of self-confidence. I failed to convince her that she possessed talent and gifts.
-An excerpt from "Letters to My Dead Mother"

You see, my mom taught me, that above all else, I must live authentically. I must never ever let some man, or society, or my fears lead me around by the nose, keeping me stifled, small, and miserable. I must always show my children that there IS more to life than this... that the sky is the limit and that all things on this earth can and will be theirs if they only imagine it to be so. And I must show them that their mom is a person. A person with interests, a person with joy, and a person who loves herself. For if my children never see me love myself, how will they know to love themselves?

So far, I feel that I'm doing an okay job. I could certainly use improvement and I strive for that daily. I think about how many people are in the lives of my children versus how many people I had in my life. It was lonely growing up in my house. I never want my children to be lonely which is why one of my biggest dreams is to make friends with other families. Close, lifelong friends with whom we go on vacation and eat meals. I don't have a family to offer my children but I am bound and determined to create one for them.

4 comments:

  1. What a powerful post, Mandy. I had tears in my eyes thinking of your mom's lost potential.

    Kudos to you for knowing what you want to give to your children and striving to make those things happen.

    Thanks for participating!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks so much for tagging me Christina!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you're a great mom! By the way..this week is pretty much not filled up..would you like to hang together if you're feeling okay? Just let me know..since I have the other little boy..I'll need to plan in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i kinda know where you're coming from. my mother and i are like polar opposites. i don't feel like i took anything from growing up and said "that's what i want to be," but i love what she did, and we're extremely close now, so something went right. still, motherhood is definitely for me something i'm learning as i go, too. but i kinda like it that way. it's an adventure.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading my blog and for commenting! Please make sure to leave your name and an email address so that I can respond to your comments! I hope you have a blessed day!