As long as I keep having these very vivid pregnancy dreams, I will continue to blog about them. Since I was like 10 I've been fascinated by dreams, dream interpretation, and logging dreams. I used to keep a dream journal back in junior high.... there is so much to be learned from our dreams. Since my mom died two and a half years ago, I've had a hard time with my dreams... often hoping to not have any. All of the vivid ones that I would remember were about her. And they weren't pleasant. I would awake upset and the mood would simply ruin my day. While Mama visited me in my dream last night, I didn't feel disturbed by her presence.
The dream seemed to start in a classroom where I realized that Jonathan Knight (from NKOTB and that's the last time I'm writing that) was in the room. I started to talk to him and we learned that we got along well and had a lot in common. He was kind and a good listener. (Admit it, all of you Blockheads know that this was an accurate assessment of Jon's personality). I remember that I just kept gazing at him, amazed that this man I'd had a crush on since I was 12 was right there, before my eyes... and he liked ME. How very high school of me. I think we were out and about then and I wanted to take him to show him off to my mom. I explained to him that my mom was dead and so he probably wouldn't be able to talk to her, hear her, or even see her. But that I could and that I could translate for them. I found her in a car. (Perhaps this is because in real life she doesn't have a permanent resting place. I have no idea where her remains are.) She was in her nightgown. She never rolled down the window. But I could tell that when I told her that I was with my new best friend, Jonathan Knight, she knew exactly who it was and she was happy for me.
I felt so peaceful and at home in this dream. I felt in love and happy and exactly the way that I felt 18 years ago when I would watch the "Hangin' Tough" videos and not take my eyes off of HIM. I was a very loyal fan. Perhaps over the years he has become even more attractive to me because he's battled emotional problems and went on national television to discuss his panic disorder... a move that I found noble and wonderful for I knew how difficult that must have been for him. Not to mention, the thought of any guy who might actually "get" what I go through with depression and anxiety is quite a fantasy.
The dream did make me a little sad for one reason... I can't believe that I'm not going to the concert. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I gave up on the idea. Sigh. Maybe it's not too late?