Thursday, July 17, 2008

Children are a gift, right?

Apparently, the Lord has yet again laughed at our so-called plans and blessed us with another pregnancy. I know that children are a gift from God. I know this. And in a few months, I'm certain that I will start to feel blessed and excited about the reality of another little girl (according to the very accurate gender prediction chart) coming to join our family but for the moment, I honestly feel mortified. First of all, how?? HOW??? When I saw the plus sign pop up on the little pregnancy test, I kept feeling like someone was playing a nasty trick on me. It really really really seems impossible that this could be happening. Just ask my poor husband. I suppose after this pregnancy is over, I'm going to have to resort to some unnatural form of birth control. Seemingly, barrier methods aren't strong enough to keep my womb from blossoming with offspring. I feel like a baby-making machine.


I feel guilty for not being excited about this. Worst of all, I feel guilty because I am scared that this will somehow bring the whole Artsy Mamas concept and progression to a screeching halt. I don't know if I'll be able to juggle home school and taking care of another baby. And the sleep! And we JUST finished the whole diaper thing. And the breastfeeding. Sigh. I hate worrying. I hate not having faith. I hate being so selfish. It's really not attractive to me.

The Captain is such a hard worker. We're barely keeping our heads above water as it stands. Things are about to change for us, again. And I have no idea what is going to happen but I have a feeling that God is using this to: help me get my priorities in order and bring us closer together as a family. For some reason I guess I just thought that I was going to keep going about my own business, doing what I wanted to do. Clearly, God had different plans.

So, with open arms, I will welcome this new addition. Maybe this time I'll get to do it right. I'll be vocal about my needs during labor, which will not last 40 hours. My recovery after the birth will not be so devastatingly long because I will be in a hospital birthing center and not at home and I won't allow my labor to go on and on endlessly, which is unlikely to happen anyway because God is NOT going to spring horrible, devastating news on me near baby time. I'll have a support system of friends and a church family upon which I'll be able to depend for things like food and childcare. I can do this and I will.

Please pray for me to have strength and joy during this humbling and surprising time. Further, please pray for the health of the baby and that she will have brown hair and brown eyes ( hee hee).
Zemanta Pixie

14 comments:

  1. Wow girl!! Shocker!

    First of all you are a great mom.....the things you do with your kids, other kids etc makes all of us pale in comparision!

    God always finds a way no matter what the circumstance........

    So lastly CONGRATS!!! How dang exciting!!!

    And big hugs and prayers and lots of love :)

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  2. You absolutely can do this. God would not have given it to you to do if He thought for a minute that you couldn't.

    You may have to pick up a few new skills, or learn to simplify your life, or there may some other really great lesson in store. I don't know, since I don't personally know you.

    Still, one thing I do know is that if you commit yourself and don't waste time second guessing or self-doubting, a way will present itself. It always does :)

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  3. Wow, Mandy! I'm so incredibly happy for you guys. I know that the what-ifs are super scary sometimes, but try not to focus on those so much. Most of our what-ifs and worries never truly come to fruition the way we think they might.

    You are so awesome at mamahood that I doubt you'll have any problems managing. Just think: if someone would have told you a few years ago, you'd run a major organization like Artsy Mamas, you would have laughed in their faces, right? Maybe not, but the point is: look at you! Look at how you flawlessly run your life, your home, your kids' life, and the life of a non-profit all while still being the life of the party, YAY! Don't sell yourself short, girlfriend.

    After all you've been through, all you've accomplished, you are going to be able to handle ANYTHING life throws at you!

    Warm thoughts and lots of praying your way, love.

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  4. Congratulations to you and your family! I agree with the other women... we are given what we can handle... and apparently He thinks you can juggle a lot! Good luck to ya!!

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  5. I felt the same way when I first found out about our current baby on the way. The "pregnant" line came up before the "there's enough pee on the stick" line and my immediate thought was "crap, that's the wrong line." Then followed by panic. I'm still not sure how we're going to handle this. All I can hope for is that it will all work out and that we will learn something in the end.

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  6. Mandy, I spent several days in a depression when I found myself pregnant for my second child when my first - a very difficult baby! -was just 8-months-old. And then when I became pregnant for my third 11 years later I was once again more shocked than elated. We know as mothers that we will love our children, but it's also good as mothers to be able to voice all the different, authentic emotions we go through, including the hard ones. My "bonus baby" is now 18-years-old and the most incredibly kind and loving young man I've ever met. May this expected blessing in your life bring you the same joy, and may your friends offline and on, be there to support you through it all with love and shoulders to lean on.

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  7. Wow, I'm overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support I have received here. Thank you all so much. I think that God is going to show me so many things through this experience!

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  8. Hey Mandy,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. Yes let's do a link exchange. Love what you are doing and of course the word "authentic" popped out for me ;)

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  9. To a wonderful pregnancy and birth. You'll be so good at this time. Congratulations.

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  10. Congrats, Msndy! I felt the same way when I found out about our #3 through a big part of the pregnancy. But don't worry, those overwhelming feelings of love will overcome your shock. I am thrilled now, in spite of my being over 30. Don't get me wrong, I won't go through it again (my outpatient surgery took care of that a few weeks ago), but I'm thrilled to have my baby boy. God does and will provide, and even though my days are so hectic now, especially with our move coming up, I know I'm more blessed with another baby.

    Oh, and don't rely 100% on those gender charts. Mine were wrong with 2 out of 3.

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  11. Congratulations Mandy! I felt some of the same feelings when I was pregnant with Henry. You'll work it out -- and I found that all of those mixed emotions went away. How exciting for you and your family!

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  12. Congratulations! I think your feelings are completely understandable. Hey, I even felt this way with my completely planned pregnancy.

    I wish you the best! I can already tell you're a great mom and your 3rd child will be blessed to be a part of your life.

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  13. Holy crap! I just read your blog yesterday, but I obviously didn't scroll down to this post!!

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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  14. OH MY GOSH! For some reason...my subscription to your blog isn't working..and I haven't read all of these last few blogs..that's why I missed this pregnancy announcement!

    I really hope I can see you now! We still on for tonight? I love you! Praying for you all the time! And I will check your blogs more often now...dang computer.

    CONGRATS THOUGH! Only time will tell what this pregnancy is all about. My mind races when I find out stuff that I didn't expect..and then I forget to just step back and breath. It's so hard to think about everything else and the What If's..but God does have your back girl. He knows what he is doing...as you know!

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