Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Desperation- don't come around here no more!

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to be interviewed by the wonderful women who run Shepherd's Heart, a Christian-based homeschool tutorial program here in Murfreesboro. There is a position open for a drama instructor and I am being considered for it. What a blessing!

These women blew my mind. They prayed with me before and after the interview. Their demeanor helped me feel at ease. They exchanged "I love you"'s with one another and they even hugged me before I left. I feel that if, in fact, the holy spirit reveals to them that I am a good fit for this position, then I will be truly blessed by my involvment with this program. If He reveals that this is not the road for me, that just means He has a different opportunity waiting around the corner. Should I get the job, He-Man could be enrolled in the program for only $55.00/month (so that would mean he'd be in "school" three days a week) and Donut could chill in the nursery for just $10.00/day (it's just on Mondays). Either way, I'm thrilled to learn that the program is so affordable and that if the Lord makes it possible financially for us to homeschool, I'll certainly consider putting the Donut and her big bro into the program. Such a wonderful asset to our community.

I must say that this is the first job interview for which I've interviewed since I've started to live by the laws of attraction. Every other interview I've ever gone to, I experienced something that I've recently labled as desperation. Desperation was something I carried into every aspect of my life and it is, quite frankly, evil and destructive. As a result of my lack of self-confidence, I have experienced desperation every time I've ever had an opportunity present itself to me. Whether it was a job, a date, a friend, or even a role in a play, I never turned down an opportunity. I'd ignore all of the warning signs: an emotionally abusive boyfriend, a friend who wouldn't return my phone calls, a job that did not appeal to me but I took anyway. You name the situation, I was desperate. I suppose I was searching for approval. Anyone's approval. Even if it meant going to a job that made me crazy or staying in a relationship with a friend who didn't give a crap about me. I was not going anywhere because there was nothing better out there, right?

Luckily, the story in my life where my ridiculous desperation turned out to not work against me is the one about my husband. I chased that poor boy for years. I relentlessly broke his will until he was barely a shadow of the person with whom I fell in love. Somehow, despite adversity, we are a united front against the world and we are not to ever be divided. The reason, I believe, that this situation is different is because through the NINE years that I've known my husband, I've prayed constantly for our relationship. I never prayed about anything except getting that boy to love me and marry me.

The best change I suppose that I've seen in myself is the lack of desperation that I now feel about my life in general. TV show doesn't pan out? Another one will come along or it wasn't meant to be! Audition for a show but don't get a part? No biggie. Wasn't the right part for me. Friend doesn't want me in her life anymore. Well, honestly, I still struggle with this one. But more and more often I just chalk it up to God removing the things from my life that are hindering my growth in Him and as a person. My father doesn't want me in his life? Fine. That was a toxic relationship anyway.

See how much I've grown?


  1. thats awesome mandy! it sounds perfect - i'm saying my prayers!

  2. good luck Mandy!! You would be so awesome for the job! Praying for you girl!

  3. Hey Mandy,

    That is great!!!
    Greta is in Shepherd's Heart (Brycen went for 2 yrs.) there is a lot of love, prayers & care that is poured out there - you would fit right in. Greta wishes that she could go everyday. I will pray with you about that position! God bless you!
    Love, Juliana

  4. Thanks for all of the support, girls!! :)

  5. Wow...Cool Beans!!! You have a such a great attitude about everything. Everything falls into place for a reason everytime.


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